Month 2 and beyond

I woke up bleeding and I immediatly went to the computer. I had been reading about pregnancy and all that good stuff, so I went and looked up misscariages. Sure enough I was having all the symptoms. I wasn't sure how I felt about it, or what to do. I had no doctor, and I was in shock. My first thought was, I can't go anywhere dirty. So I went upstairs to take a bath. I laid there and the tears came. I wasn't sure until this very moment how much I wanted a precious baby. But now I knew I would be heartbroken. I got out of the tub and called Tim at work. He came home as fast as he could and we went to the emergency room. They admitted me right away, fastest I've ever gotten in at an emergecy room. The nurse asked me how far along I thought I was, and I told her 2 months. She pointed to the wall that had a diagram showing a fetus at different stages of development. She pointed and said, "oh your right here then." I didn't want to look, I was not right there I though. I was no longer pregnant. They examined me, asked some questions and then said they would have to do catheter and and ultrasound. Cathaters are not fun let me tell you! I felt so bad, I was only married for a month and here I was, half naked having a nurse shove a tube into my girly parts with my hubby sitting right there. They actually poured water into my body to enlarge my bladdar. After 20 or so mintues of being "filled up" it was off to ultrasound. That was the scariest moment of my life. The technician said, okay were looking for a healthy heartbeat. I didn't want to look. But I had to, my head wouldn't turn away. It seemed like an eternity before she found him, so tiny with a very strong heartbeat. I was elated, he was okay. So we left the hospital with me on bedrest for an unexplained possible miscarriage. I was told I would have to make an appointement as soon as possible to make sure things remained well.

My first doctors appointment went well. I loved the nurses and the doctor,they were all so nice. I got to see the baby again, still with a healthy heart, still growing nicely. I had blood drawn and met, Dr. eLisabeth Carter. I chose her becuase it said she went to college at UNM. She was very nice and the office was just right down the street, so that was cool. I called my mom after this appiontment to tell her the news. She was very excited, she couldn't wait to be a grandma she said. Neil was pretty shocked and excited as well. I think it was sometime after that when we told Tim's parents.

The months progressed. I spent my days on the internet. I had found a cool support board on parentsplace.com and I spent my entire day on that website posting. I was going to look for a job, but I was too tired to even try. I was getting horrible horrible headaches that nothing helped. I finallyhad to geta perscription to help with them. I stayed up late into the night, and slept in until 2 or 3 in the afternoons. I can't say I was particularly happy during this time. the house that we lived in was very cold and needed a lot of work. It was tough for me to be away from my family, and all this was just so much for me to deal with at once. Looking back I feel so bad for Tim becuase I was just so mean to him. It wasn't his fault,but he was the only person I had to talk to, and consequesntly to take things out on.

It started to get warmer and we decided to sell the house. We worked hard on home improvement projects and even had a day when all of Tim's work friends came and helped. We put down tile, tore down walls, tore up carpet, you name it. We were hard at work for a long time. While working I also held in the back of my mind that my grandfather was very very sick. He had been sick for a while, he had had several strokes and was just getting worse and worse. He could not speak and was paralyzed on his left side. I got a call in April saying that he was on his deathbed and I needed to come out to say goodbye. So I drove the 12 hours home by myself in the Miata 5 months pregnant. Tim had to work, and although he offered to come out with me I felt it was something I needed to do alone. I spent a long time at my moms. My grandpa ended up coming home and he lived for two or three weeks more than they thought. I finally came back home, I had a doctors appointement and didn't want to miss that. On the day that I left my grandfather passed away. I missed his funeral and I still feel badly about that.

Tim had done the most spectacular thing for me when I got home though. It helped ease the pain so much. Before I left I had been bookmarking things that I wanted to get for the baby. Cribs and strollers and all kinds of goodies. While I was gone Tim got all of them for me. He had everything set up in the parlor, waiting for me to see them. He had gotten Winnie the Pooh crib sets and it was all so marvelous.

This was around the time I started showing I was pregnant as well.